When in Rome, Do as Tony Does...

"I'm going to be all over this like a Rottweiler on a Shitsu." -Tony

Resounding success in travel is of course, a subjective creature. Some would be so bland as remark that one has made a successful journey if one returns alive. But that would make hordes of sunburnt loudmouths returning from Daytona Beach successful travelers, and I'm not happy with that whatsoever.

Travel is one part like a craft, like cooking or cabinet making. One is not simply successful at their craft for preparing a filling meal, or plying together a pencil box. Sometimes I failed at travel because I couldn't or wouldn't turn over the logs in the forest and view the hidden locality. This intentional portion; the drive, the courage and the audacity it takes to be a successful wanderer, this is the portion that is within the scope of control of the participant.

But travel differs from cooking and cabinet making in the sense that the best things that happen on the road are by pure chance. Sometimes my travels failed because I was just unlucky and nothing really interesting happened. The hapless but lucky wanderer always has an edge over the most seasoned, but not as fortunate globetrotter. That's why I relish standing at the threshold of my home, donned in bags - wandering how fortunate my wandering will be.

Tony Bourdain went to Rome in last week's episode and happened onto one of the best insights into a culture - a squabble between customer and management. Now let's set aside that he and his film crew caused the scuffle in the restaurant - a customer was angry his food was taking too long because of the silver-haired American celebrity food critic ordering every dish on the menu. The juice of the episode was the conflict. Here, a loyal customer openly voiced his extreme displeasure of having to wait for an hour and a half for his food - and the management expressed that they couldn't give a $#!^. The layers of hilarity are too numerous and deep for a blog entry. An Italian customer in a cafe in Italy complaining that the food was taking too long?!?! Hilarious!

Can you imagine his outrageous complaint: "I don't care if a world famous food critic is at your little restaurant! I'm Italian and I want my food now! Yes, I know that this American is causing me to act like an American. No I don't see any irony."

One might imagine the Tony yelling over at the man, quoting Christopher Walken in Dogs of War, "In my jungle, you'd be just another a$$#0(&."

Indeed, aren't we all?

Conflict is unpleasant in our own daily lives, but if you're lucky enough to witness it in its mundane, innocuous form as a spectator it can be an enlightening insight to the social cohesion, peace and stability of a place. In Italy, the folks at the restaurant eventually cooled down and were better off for the heated exchange. The agony of discontent did not fester in the sweltering.

In Ukraine, the arguments were frequent, sharp, public and loud. But they were often among friends and family, and life moved on after them. In other occasions, people were publicly berated and shamed for misbehavior. Perhaps it might have been an illusion of justice, but at least it made everyone feel better that some justice was being done.

Here in Washington DC - this place is all so genteel. Affronts go unspoken in a vacuum of humid silence. Yet there are so many pleases, excuse me's and thank you's, the equation makes for the sum of an endless apology. The ritual of our society makes a vast, over-ambitious attempt to make everyone feel comfortable, but in a place like the city, it keeps everyone on the edge of their seat, apologizing for the distraction of their shaking knees.

Then, some poor guy gets shot and killed on your block, and no one ever seems to apologize for that.